Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
(Some words inspired by Regina Spektor’s song, “on the radio”)
She walks wobbly and balancing along the driftwood
She peers inside herself
She takes her grace, empathy and understanding
Holds it up to the light
A smile gently crosses her face and touches her eyes
She tries to love these pieces
But she can’t help but wish for courage, boldness and confidence
But she takes her grace, empathy and understanding
And gives it away,
They keep her alive, pumping her own blood
And when she gives,
She keeps someone else alive, pumping someone else’s blood.
They walk arm in arm, hoping not for harm
Just to love and be loved in return.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
I've been thinking about the kids in Malawi. I just miss 'em. I really hope I'll get to see them and be with them this summer. That would make me deliriously happy, you have no idea. I just woke up from a nap of which I dreamt of Malawi and remembered how we used to say goodnight to the kids. They would always hold out their hand with their pointer finger, pinky and thumb pointed at our hands until they touched. I found this weird at first, until I asked one of the girls, Caroline, and she turned her hand up and said, "I love you, Auntie." She had been making the sign for "I love you" in sign language. That gets me at my core. I really love that. I find myself grabbing a hold of any memory of them just to have them in my mind, to remind me that they are real. It scares me that at times, I wonder if I was ever there.
I've also been reflecting on our world in the past weeks and months and I've come to realize on a much deeper level how broken our world really is, and it's so, so sad. There is not enough love in the world. Someone once told me to love wastefully. What better advice, love wastefully. You can never love too much. Why is it that so many people do not receive the love they so desperately need from the people who should be giving it to them. I know way too many kids from broken homes, with parents who are never there or just don't take the time to care and it's so awful. They begin to search for their worth everywhere else. It pains me to look around everywhere in our culture and see all the things, things that will make you desirable and loved, things that will make you beautiful or accepted, things that will numb the pain and the hurts to make everything that weighs on you just a little lighter, if only for a little while.
My heart has broken over and over again for the hurts in the world, and in the lives I have been privileged to know, in Malawi and here in Seattle, and it's hard not to be overwhelmed. I've spent many a moments filled with deep sighs, tears and silence over the things I have seen and felt. I wish I could fix it all…
I was reading Blue Like Jazz this summer and this quote struck me, "The human struggle bothered Rick, as if something was broken in the world and we were supposed to hold our palms against the wound, reaching a felt need." Very well said…I love that. We can all be healers in the world holding our palms against the wound. To love where it's needed and to help where it's needed. "If I can keep one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain…"
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I love the ocean. I love all water. Just catching a glimpse of it sends me into bliss. I’m out at
Mornings are lovely, even in all their grogginess. Everything is new and beginning to come alive. I love the slow waking up process (as brutal as it can be sometimes). I love working at a coffee shop where I witness the waking up process right in front of my eyes. It’s kind of like the neighborhood kitchen and I just so happened to be the first one up in the neighborhood and strolled down to the kitchen to put on a cup of coffee and throw some muffins in the oven. Each person wakes up and walks into the kitchen to touch base, talk about their plans, catch up real quick and get some coffee to start the day. Some are all cleaned up and revved to go while others come in sleepy-eyed and disheveled. It’s a fascinating time of day to people watch, just hang out in my “kitchen” and you’ll see what I mean.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
"Courageous risks are life-giving, they help you grow, make you brave, and better than you think you are." Joan Curcio
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
So, during a marathon of Friends episodes tonight, I found myself watching an almost identical scene to what I experienced a year ago in my old house. Just watch this clip and imagine me in my little attic room in the middle of the night when I need to wake up at 4:30am for work..It's pretty spot on, 'cept instead of throwing it down the laundry chute, I threw it across the street. I was even telling my friend Angie this story on Monday and she commented that she thinks that is probably the most mad or full of "rage" that I've ever been. And I must say, it's up there.
I'm just glad to see I'm not alone in thinking my smoke detector is out to get me.
Monday, July 7, 2008
When you go out to dinner they always try and improve the salad. They’re like, '
Would you like some fresh pepper on your salad?'
Can anyone tell the difference between fresh and stale pepper? I can’t even taste the pepper. They might as well be like,
'Would you like us to wave this wooden wand over your salad?'
...'Uh, all right.'
'OK, enjoy your magic salad.'