Monday, August 31, 2009

say hello, wave goodbye

I’m sitting on the floor in my empty apartment. It’s dark and the fan is blowing strong. I just finished cleaning every nook and cranny and I’m about to turn in my keys. This is just what I did when I first moved in, too. I would come and sit here on the floor in the afternoon sun with my ipod and just sit. I loved that time. I loved the afternoon golden sunlight pouring through the windows. It was mid September and the heat had left for the year leaving perfect northwest evenings for the remainder of the month. Those golden afternoons are just what sold me when I came to look at the apartment for the first time. I wanted it for that perfect hour. I wanted that heavenly lens. I often wish every hour was just as golden as that hour. I’m still hoping for it, maybe in heaven… My days are starting to appear more and more golden and maybe that is something that I have acquired through this year, a renewed perspective.

This year has been filled with joy and heartache and so much movement and work in my soul. It was a tough year to live by myself and experience this year coming home to solitude at the end of every day, but looking back on it I think that was the best way. I had many nights of “cocooning” listening to Shannon music, thinking heavy thoughts, praying big prayers, curled up in a blanket with a warm beverage in hand, and waiting for the hard part to be over.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." -Anais Nin

It may still be tough at times and doubts and fear still nestle close, but it’s been a year and I feel renewed and restored and redeemed. And here I am, sitting in the same spot on the floor that I sat on a year ago. I’m a different person and perhaps a little more brave and I’m pretty happy about that.

I’m moving into a house with some amazing people and I couldn’t be happier to be living in community again. It makes life more interesting and fun and I can’t wait to see what this year will hold.


rachel rianne said...

you're staying in portland, though, right??? i would hate it if you were leaving and i'd never get to see you there again.

i'm glad that you're moving in with some great people, though. there's a time for both types of homelives, i think... alone or with tons of people or with just a few. but they're all learning experiences necessary for people to understand themselves, i think.

i wish i could've seen your apartment, though. the way i imagined it is so idyllic, and it always sounded so homey and warm and lovely to me.

ps: you and your mom? that picture is ADORABLE. i love it.

Shannon said...

i am indeed staying in portland. north portland to be specific. i'm locked in for another year at least! i really do love this city.

i'll have to post some pictures on fb or in a post of my old studio and the new place.

hopefully you can come back to p-town and visit some time this year because we have a sweet attic guest room and it would be so fun to see you face!

thatoneguy said...

I'm glad you guys got that house. It's gonna be awesome. And I want to check out that little Japanese restaurant down the street.