Tuesday, May 24, 2011

thankful, still.

"Thankfulness depends on what is in your heart, not what is in your hand."

I've been marinating on this quote all day. My friend Rachelle has it written on the signature of her emails and every time I read it I have to stop and let it sink into my bones. Thankfulness is a posture and an attitude that we control. It does not depend on what we physically hold. We can have everything and yet keep ungrateful hearts or we can have absolutely nothing and be thankful still.

I've been learning how to be grateful in this season of looking for jobs. I have gotten my hopes up countless times only to be let down easy. It is so hard to put myself out there again and again, hoping that this one may be the one that works out, only to be brought to my knees again wondering why it didn't work out, why it wasn't the right fit. And that's where I find myself again tonight. I had wanted this one job to work out. It was perfect and I wanted it so badly. I let myself hope for it. I don't like to hope for things, it's risky and puts much at stake. I can't turn it off though- I am wired to hope. After a couple weeks of hoping, it was a blow to find out I didn't get the job. It bummed me out; it was an accumulation of all the let downs. I had my teary drive to work this evening, a blubbery phone call to my parents and a general bummed out attitude. And here I am, stuck on it. I'll let myself be sad for the night but I won't let it get me down. I'll wake up tomorrow and put myself out there again and keep hoping because that's the kind of girl my parents raised me to be, and I'm all the better for it.

God has plans for me, I truly believe that. I don't believe it just happened to be the case that I was able to raise funds and get enough time off work to go to Haiti three times this past year- to help and serve, to use my giftings and strengths in a way that empowered and helped in the restoration and rebuilding of Haiti. That time was just what my heart needed and I don't think that's coincidence at all.

I'm just waiting to see how God unfolds this little life of mine in His good and perfect timing.
And in the waiting, I am thankful, still.


//nancy said...

your attitude of thankfulness in the midst of this semi-discouraging time is amazing. keep that scrappy scrap of faith that God is up to something. hugs, n

Derek Gillette said...

Can I just add my two cents here that I know that perfect job is out there for you and it has been out there for you. Set aside for you. It has your name written all over it. You won't have to beg or plead or bargain on reason your way into it.

We don't have to beg God to give us what is already ours.

I know He has it out there for you. I am excited to see you find it!

Please keep me updated on the search so I can rejoice with you when what has been lost is found!

Brian said...

I don't have any advice but I do want to say thank you, for hope and for being who you are. You're a gift.

Anonymous said...

You are loved and lovely, dear Shannon.

I'm alternating between wanting to hug you and wanting to run down to a certain establishment and completely lose my cool telling them how blind they are.

But I'm echoing the voices are reminding you that there is a great big, perfect, beautiful plan out there for you. Maybe God just needs you to have the space and time available for it. I just wish He could figure out how to answer these questions in a slightly less, oh, I dunno, cosmic time frame?

Don't you ever stop hoping, Shanhan. You're my favorite hopeful anyone. You'e going to be the girl I tell everyone I know because I'm so proud that she does extraordinary things all the time. Heck, you already are that girl.

love you.

Will said...

I'm sorry Shannon :(
I'm completely in agreement with everything everyone else has said. Thank you for being the awesome, hope-filled person you are. And thanks for sharing your thoughts. We're all routing for you. It'll come.