Wednesday, August 20, 2008

deflated spirits and simple reminders

This week was full and crazy and fun and stressful. I was up in Seattle for a week of wedding celebration. After several days of events, reunions, the marriage of another best friend, back to back events, I’m in a state of melancholy, coming down off a full weekend. The whole week took a lot out of me and on Monday, I was running on fumes. Dealing with late ferries and rush hour traffic was enough to deflate my spirit. Getting lost on the way to the hospital to visit my grandma only deflated me more, so much so that in the sight of my family in the hospital, I burst into tears. I don’t burst into tears, ever really, but I did. It’s in those moments when I’m barely holding it together that the only thing I want is a hug, yet it’s also the last thing I want because it’s like opening a dam of tears and they just pour forth. I’m always torn between wanting a hug or someone to tell me a joke…

I was driving back to Portland yesterday, driving through the rain and clouds and sunshine. The weather has been a variety pack lately. I found myself all annoyed at having to adjust the windshield wiper every ten seconds or so. It’s sprinkling. No, it’s pouring. It’s steady. It stopped. No it didn’t, just kidding. I kept fighting for a happy medium, unable to find it. It stressed me out. I just wanted to leave it alone, but it kept changing. I hate change. How funny that change is the only constant... Our lives are always changing. With every change in weather or circumstance, we have to realign ourselves; attempt to find our equilibrium again. It’s a balancing act, trying to stay on our two feet and keep our heads above water. It’s exhausting to keep steady these days. Once the rain slowed, I saw a faint rainbow in the distance and was reminded of God’s promise that the earth and everything living on it would never again be destroyed by a flood. I loved that with a simple glance into the sky I could be reminded of God’s faithfulness. A symbol that we are loved.

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