bikes, bridges and new phones

Can I just say real quick that today is the most beautiful and perfect of fall days in Portland.

So sunny and crisp and chilled.

I went running after work last night (I'll pause for a gasp because I rarely run, ever).

Then, I rode my bike to work today (allow for second pause...). I decided to ride my bike after I looked at the weather last night and felt the beginning pains of sore legs. It's best if I keep them in motion so as not to feel the pain of working out once every four months.

The run and the bike ride were perfect.

I might even do it again.

Back to the reason I am writing this post anyway. I got a new phone, a fancy phone with all the frills. The best thing about it is that I am paying less per month than I was before because I am now on a family plan with some friends, score.

One of the main reasons I wanted a fancy phone was navigation, but I'll write about that another time.

More so, I wanted a fancy phone for the fun camera apps and mobile upload.

I am all about it. I'll probably be an over-poster, but I can't help it. It's just that so many times during the day, I think, "this is so cool/pretty/awkward/strange, somebody needs to see this." and now it's possible. I can share those moments with people. YES.

A couple shots from my ride to and from work over the Broadway Bridge.

Such a pretty ride. I am lucky to live where I do.

what's next..? enjoy today..

It’s a bit surreal, the whole being done with school. Of course everyone’s question is “…what next?!” ha. If only I knew... That was the easy part when I graduated from the U of W; I knew I wanted to go into social work and so I could forecast grad school in the future and it was great to be able to tell people my plan. Oh, and my parents are all about “the plan”…everyone must have a plan and not just one plan, but two or three as back-ups. I’ve tried to function around plans, I have, but that’s just not how I roll. My plans consist of not having a plan.

I’m a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl and I kind of like that.

So…with that being said…here I am, graduated and done. At the moment, I am content in taking some much needed down time; to hang out with friends, to take walks, to tote my camera around, to ride my bike, to sleep-It’s been wonderful.

I’ve been mulling some thoughts around to write about but that will come later I guess. I thought I’d throw in some pictures of my last week or so since I’ve been taking my camera with me everywhere.

After graduation = happiness

my favorite ladies and boys came down to ptown!

Fro Yo..or frozen yogurt with good peeps

when I have time to look around on my walks through the neighborhood, i see the coolest things, yeah positive propaganda!

found these cute little birdies on my friend leisha's houseboat in Scapoose, OR

the houseboat. i could so live here.

perfect Sunday afternoon.

forever a cheese.

there was fishing, but not by me

seriously, water feeds my soul.

the new bike, isn't she pretty in that golden sun?


I've been exploring Portland, via bike and loving it!

i pretty much love trains, tracks, sun and portland

shadow trees

my absolute favorite time of day


the view from a bike is the best


this makes me feel like i live out in the country, i like that.

i was born to explore. i'm a happy girl

transitions

My days of calling myself a student are quickly falling away. I have always been a student, even in my two year hiatus; I still called myself a student because I had a sneaking suspicion that I would pursue a master’s degree soon. Now as I enter into the final six weeks, I’m ready to shed my student’s skin. It’s difficult to think about giving up that title, when I’ve held tightly to it for so long. Though, I will soon hold claim to the title of social worker, I still feel that sliver of loss in parting ways with the life I’ve known all these years.

I think it was Mr. Rogers that said it best,

"Transitions are almost always signs of growth, but they can bring feelings of loss. To get somewhere new, we may have to leave somewhere else behind."

That being said, I’m ready to transition to a career of doing what I love, but I’m not sure I’m ready to transition to a new place. People keep asking me if I am going to stay in Portland or move back to Seattle. As much as I ache for my people in Seattle, I’m not quite done with Portland yet. I haven’t gotten my fill. I just have that deep gut feeling that God has more in store for me here and that’s enough assurance for me that this city is where I am meant to be.

Bartender, pour me a double.

It’s a beautiful day in Portland. The newscasters even sent out a warning in the weather report this morning, “these warm temperatures may last through the week, stay tuned for information on the warm front approaching Portland.” Haha. We need to be warned if the weather might just be nice for any extended amount of time. I am LOVING it. I hate to say it, but my mood is very dependent upon the weather, which probably means I should move somewhere warm and sunny for the winter. My parents are making the “snowbird” move and flying south for the winter. They’re onto something…

So I am currently sitting in a sunny window of my favorite coffee shop/study spot, Sydney’s and the Montessori kids are playing and screaming on the playground outside, the trains are whistling as they go by, and I’m looking up at the beautiful arches of the Fremont bridge. AND I have an iced coffee that never tasted so good and I’m catching up on letter writing, which is just refreshing. AND it’s a good hair and wardrobe day. Sigh. Present life is good.

However, future life is giving me mini heart attacks every time I think about it. I’m graduating in four months. And then…I will officially enter the "real world". That’s when real life begins, when you are no longer a student and get a real job, right? OR is it when you leave the single life and get married (cue bells and flowers and bubbles!)? Those both seem to be popular beliefs these days… Can I just boycott the whole real life thing? Or would that mean that I stay single and jobless forever? Because that’s not so appealing, either. Eeesh. Well, single/marriedness aside…I will need to find a job in four months and this current economy is KILLING my hopes. The unemployment rate in Portland is TERRIBLE. It’s one or two percent higher than other places in the country. It doesn’t help that the only Masters of Social Work program in Oregon is in Portland, and come June another couple hundred social workers will be looking for work, probably IN Portland. There’s an over-abundance of social workers in this city, which is awesome because people are being helped and served, but is there room for me? I dunno…

My parents have passed on some info about social work jobs in Seattle. I think this is less of a ploy to have me move back to Seattle near home and family but more of a ploy to get me employed, anywhere. It stresses me out to think about where I may be in four months. I hate NOT knowing. This whole thing, this whole time, liminal space if you will. I’m not a fan. I don’t like preparing for a change that may or may not happen. I’m not sure where to invest myself. Do I continue building community in Portland when I may not even find a job here? Should I work on building community in Seattle? Should I move to somewhere in the middle of nowhere, where SURELY they need social workers? Scranton? Malawi? Haines?

Bartender, pour me double.

Here’s to the unknown…

snowy morning

(...from sunday, but I'm running late this week.)

How do you know when you’re ready to let go? Does the risk part ever go away? Why do my days always begin with big questions. I'll ponder that later. It’s snowing this morning. That was a surprise. I never dress appropriately for snow. Being that I didn’t realize it was snowing until I was running late and out the door sliding across the snow-covered sidewalk in sandals. It was too late to turn back. I thought about who I was working with and how they were probably already there, already making muffins, wondering where I was. I’m glad I remembered my Bible. I’m glad Court and I read some of our favorite verses the other night. I needed that. I needed a reminder of God’s promises. He keeps promises, while most, if not all of us break ours. “Promise not to promise anymore” I love that line of Ingrid’s song, and of course the other, “so glide away and so be healed”, which I had been singing as “so glide away on soapy heels”…which is a far more amusing visual scene, but definitely not the right lyrics. I hope nobody heard me sing that-how embarrassing…It’s a shame I can’t sing for the life of me, because if music is on, and I know the words (and I usually do) I can’t help myself. I sing my little heart out, off key and everything.

Only one person has come into the coffee shop. People are cozied up in their big warm beds, I bet. That’s where I would like to be. Well not their beds, which would be weird. It’s Sunday morning and the snow is a hindrance rather than a delight. Arctic Blast ’08 ruined it for people. Snow now translates into memories of cabin fever and being stuck and cold. Bah! The satellite radio is skipping. It’s so annoying. It’s been skipping every minute or so. The satellite is outside though, too much work to go all the way out there and adjust the thing. Skip…. skip. Fine…. got up and adjusted the thing, in the freezing cold. Hey…no more skips, yes! I’m a genius. That was a good idea. Why didn’t I do that a half hour ago? C’est la vie. There’s Robert. A regular. Customer number two, it’s almost 8am now, too. What a slow morning. It’s kind of nice though. I like to take my waking slow. Plus, the sun is beginning to appear, and the sun brightens the snow. I'm always thankful when the sun comes back. Everything is illuminated.

If there isn't laughter; it's not for me.

“Laughing means people are enjoying each other. It brings a state of felicity, of delight. You feel glad to be alive and you think, this is it! You don’t need much more than this-a group of friends enjoying each other. But laughter is really an indicator of something more basic: of people accepting each other. You are valued because you are alive, not because of how much money you earn or how big your house is. When we have that sense of being valued, of being connected, we don’t live lives of consumerism and ambition. We don’t need to prove that we have worth.” –Cecile Andrews

I had so much fun with friends in Seattle and am just in awe of the amazing community that I am able to keep across state lines and oceans. All I wanted was to talk and laugh and be in their presence and it was wonderful. I was nourished by my dear friends and am so thankful for each and every one of them and how they each call me to more, bringing forth glory from my depths.

Seattle is beautiful. Of course, as I'm getting ready to drive back to Portland, Seattle pulls out all the stops and gives the most glorious day of sunshine and clouds. It almost made me want to stay, just a little bit longer. My deep love of the city was creeping back in and making me wonder why I moved away in the first place. This is the view from Carey Park, can you say heavenly day?!

As I drove away thinking Seattle is the most beautiful place on Earth and how lame is it that I live in Portland now and if only I could live in Seattle, I arrived in Portland and got to spend some time with an old high school friend, Kristin. And I was reminded as we walked along the river front that Portland is pretty wonderful, too. And for now, this is home...

this is my wintersong to you...

Portland has gotten so much snow that it's beginning to feel like I live in Aspen or the North Pole. It's beautiful and I LOVE tromping around in the snow or sitting in a cozy cafe and watching the snow fall. However, cities like Portland and Seattle, they are blindsided by winter storms and arctic blasts such as this and the city is left at a standstill. I have barely left my neighborhood this whole week. I’m going stir crazy. I made it out once for lunch with Allison and a run to Powell’s and another time for Christmas shopping. I haven’t made it to hardly any social outings because of road conditions or cancellations. I’ve just been working at the coffee shop all week and am so thankful for it because I need to see people. I need to engage with people and laugh and make stupid jokes and fall for stupid jokes for a day to really feel like a day.

It really started to snow yesterday and I couldn’t handle staying in my two block radius of work and apt, so I decided to take a winter walk all over the Northwest Portland neighborhood and enjoy the snow, the powdery sparkly snow! I didn’t know this kind of snow existed. If this is the snow that’s up in the mountains…well maybe I could try snowboarding again.

Some pictures from my winter walk around the neighborhood…”this is my wintersong to you…”

NW 24th Ave

NW Thurman St.

Still with me?

The neighborhood

I hope I'm able to make it up to Seattle tomorrow. They aren't running the train. The roads are a nightmare. Yikes. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Oregon memories and Nouwen

It's a beautiful Portland morning and I find myself sitting in a sunshine filled window of a bustling neighborhood coffee house. Feeling the warmth of the sunshine's rays, I look out on the changing leaves, the train chugging by and the line of Montessori kids holding hands down the sidewalk. As if this moment couldn't be any more perfect, right beside me is a man playing lovely music on his acoustic guitar and providing the most peaceful soundtrack to this Oregon memory...

Also, of note, I was reading some Nouwen this morning and read this little pearl, which is what I needed to hear today.

"It can be discouraging to discover how quickly you lose your inner peace. Someone who happens to enter your life can suddenly create restlessness and anxiety in you. Sometimes this feeling is there before you fully realize it. You thought you were centered; you thought you could trust yourself; you thought you could stay with God. But then someone you do not even know intimately makes you feel insecure. You ask yourself whether you are loved or not, and that stranger becomes the criterion. Thus, you start feeling disillusioned by your own reaction.

Don't whip yourself for your lack of spiritual progress. If you do, you will easily be pulled even further away from your center. You will damage yourself and make it more difficult to come home again. It is obviously good not to act on your sudden emotions. But you don't have to repress them, either. You can acknowledge them and let them pass by. In a certain sense, you have to befriend them so that you do not become their victim.

The way to "victory" is not in trying to overcome your dispiriting emotions directly but in building a deeper sense of safety and at-homeness and a more incarnate knowledge that you are deeply loved. Then, little by little, you will stop giving so much power to strangers.

Do not be discouraged. Be sure that God will truly fulfill all your needs. Keep remembering that. It will help you not to expect that fulfillment from people who you already know are incapable of giving it."

a new day

I’m sitting in my studio, now a furnished studio with a cozy Shannon feel. It’s been a peaceful morning and I needed that. I slept in and woke up slowly. Made some coffee and wrote in my journal for a while. Went to Imago Dei at noon and now here I am just cozied up in a blanket by the window with sunlight pouring through the room, listening to ‘after an afternoon’ on repeat.

There’s something about sunlight that feeds my soul. Maybe it’s because I have spent this past year in the darkness, spiritually and literally. Living in a basement apartment with no light and with no community to breathe life into me, the year inched by at a painfully slow pace. Candle lit and waiting on…I waited patiently for the dawn. Now, with fall inching in on the heels of summer, I can finally feel the beginning of a new day and a new chapter. I feel like life has been breathed back into me.

I am usually against any and all change in my own life. I love the familiar and the comfortable and feeling at home in my city. Right now I am so thankful for change and for newness and for the first time, I believe that change just may be a good thing.

I found a home, er...a studio!

I am signing a lease tomorrow on a cute little studio. Little as in really little…but also very cute and charming. I am so excited to move in! It's two blocks from work, close to the street car and the bus. It’s small and old and it has hardwood floors and milk boxes and old fashioned phones and lots of sunlight. And oh my word, how I have missed sunlight this year. I’ll be living by myself for the first time in the history of my quarter-century life. Part of me is terrified to live by myself but the other part of me is pretty stoked to spend some time with me in my own space. I have always had roommates and most of the time lots of them. I’ve lived with 11 girls. I’ve lived with 8 girls. I lived with 5 girls. I’ve lived with one other girl. I love having roommates, especially when they are all your favorite people. I’ve been blessed to be able to live with all my favorite people and even work with a majority of them at the same coffee shop. It was heavenly to come home from a long exhausting day and have someone making dinner, someone watching Ellen, someone napping on the couch, someone studying down the street. Someone ready to play. There was always something fun to do and always someone fun to hang out with. It made my entire social life effortless.

Portland has been challenging and a bit of a reality check at times with my lack of community and circle of awesome-ness always around. It felt a bit like a two-by-four to the face, until I realized that community doesn’t always come so easy. I’m excited to challenge my hermit self and get out and find some good Portlanders to be my people. I’ll have to be intentional in making plans and stretching myself, which will be good for me. I can tell. I’ll be in the city and closer to people. I do love people. It reminds me of a Ben Lee lyric, “thinking bout the city, it’s living proof that people need to be together.” People do need to be together. We’re created to be together. And that’s why I’m living by myself…near lots and lots of people…ha. In any case, I’m excited for this year and quality time with me in my new city.

Side note: I’m still reading The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I’m the slowest reader ever, because I insist on reading at least four books at a time. But here’s a great quote,

“The brain appears to possess a special area which we might call poetic memory and which records everything that charms or touches us, that makes our lives beautiful…Love begins with a metaphor. Which is to say, love begins at the point when a woman enters her first word into our poetic memory.” –Milan Kundera

names, faces...people, places

I've been working at the Dragonfly Coffee House for about a month now, and I really just love it. It feels like home there. I am getting to know people's names and quirks, which is really what I crave and love about working in a coffee shop.
It's more personal. It's more relational. It's something to work for and to work on.

One of the questions from the Myers-Brigss test asks a question, "The more people with whom you speak, the better you feel" yes or no. Even though I'm an introvert, I definitely answer, 'yes' to this question. If I were to go about my day, running errands and such, all over town without talking with a single person, I wouldn't really feel as though I actually had a day. I need people and conversation in my day to make it real and worthy of counting as a day.

It's funny, too, I remember telling a co-worker at the coffee shop I worked at up in Seattle,(Richmond Beach Coffee Company) my personality type and how I was an introvert, obviously. She immediately scoffed and said, "never in a million years would I dub you as an introvert." I was shocked; of all my letters, the "I" was the letter I was most positive was spot on. However, in thinking about it, in that environment, I knew everyone; their drink, their name, their car, their family, their morning hair and tired eyes...and they knew me. They brightened my day. They brought me birthday balloons, cards, dishes, money for my Malawi trip. They knew my name. I felt alive in that place. Just as I feel alive in Alaska, at camp and in Malawi with the kids.
I think certain places and people can bring out our best, bring glory out of our depths, calling us to more, to truly live. These are the places and people with which we belong.

I've been craving that sense of community lately, that sense of being known and being alive. It's been a little lonely in this city of bridges. I went to an event for a school project the other night. There were roughly 400 people or so...I'm really bad at guestimating, but it was something like that. I went by myself and felt so anonymous and nameless and alone; it was awful. Later in the night, I ran into another Social Work student, which was a life saver and made me feel a little less stranded, but the feeling stayed with me all night.
It's so easy to feel small in this big world, and I find myself grasping for anything that will make the world feel a little smaller, even if it's just asking someone their name.

p.s. I met another "Hannon" this weekend. This was monumental seeing as how I have never met another Hannon that I wasn't related to! And he's a talented singer-songwriter and one of the nicest guys, check him out, Dave Hannon.

Feast of Love

"There is a story about the Greek Gods; they were bored so they invented human beings, but they were still bored so they invented love, then they weren't bored any longer. So they decided to try love for themselves. And finally, they invented laughter, so they could stand it."



This is how the movie, Feast of Love begins. I ordered it from Netflix and when it came I couldn't even remember what the movie was about or why I ordered it. As I read through the description, I remembered why it appealed to me.

-set in a "small idyllic Oregon community"- ding!

-"features different lives intersecting at a coffee shop" -ding!

-"explore the depths of love and loss, joy and pain, and everything in between"- ding, ding, ding!!

These are all things I love.

I liked the movie overall. They showed all different kinds of love, from young love to old love, falling in love, falling out of love, adultery, heartbreak, loss of love, birth, death and how they all play out in the lives of the characters. It's pretty well done. Also, pretty depressing. I prefer movies that make my heart flutter and feel all warm and fuzzy, but this has more of a taste of reality. I will warn you though, there are excessive sex scenes and nudity throughout the movie. It makes you think that people meet-have sex and get married within a week of meeting each other because there isn't a real concept of time in the movie... Also, Morgan Freeman is in it and well he's pretty close to God.

I was thrilled when I recognized the coffee house where a lot of the movie takes place, this cute little place on Mississippi Ave in North Portland. I've been there! That was really exciting for me.







Anyhoo, back to the quote. I like it. There is so much depth and joy and pain involved in loving someone that it just makes sense that love requires laughter.